I am Pro-Husband

This is the part where I climb up on my little soap box and tell you how things really are...or should be. I better be careful or I may tumble off...in all seriousness though, these are some thoughts I think often but have been reminded of in the recent past.

I am well aware of the fact that there are some women out there (and I mean out there - I am not speaking of those reading this blog) who are nagging, controlling, and just downright mean to their husbands. I believe it is an easy habit for anyone to get into, including myself. I do, of course,want things done my way, on my own time, and sometimes I find myself being overly critical of Jeff when he doesn't complete tasks according to my express directions. I am also aware of the way it would make anyone feel if they were often treated in such a demeaning way, especially by the one they love the most.

I am lucky enough to be married to a wonderfully thoughtful, sensitive, and independent man. Yes, he is a grown man and while I am his equal partner in our marriage and role as parents, I am not and never will be his mother. Sure, we have to plan and coordinate our lives and our goals but there is no need for me to control his daily activities. I especially don't need to explain to him how to do such menial tasks as loading the dishwasher, changing the baby's clothes, or divvying up the food for the kids' plates.

My husband, as most husbands I know, works a busy job and spends countless hours away from home dealing with bosses, stressful deadlines, and hectic commuter traffic. He is continuing his education and spends time in classes and studying. He also works faithfully at his church calling and hometeaching, etc. What worse thing could happen to such a husband than to come home to find, instead of a loving wife and children, a chaotic, unorderly existence where more demands and expectations are placed upon him? This does not mean that husbands should come home and rest & relax all evening without contributing to the household or family in any way. On the contrary, a husband should come home and take time to be with his family and help & support his wife with the things she needs. I have found that the more peaceful and orderly the atmosphere is in my home when my husband gets home, the easier it is for him to feel relaxed and able to pitch in, play with the kids, and listen to my ramblings. Of course, there are lots of evenings when my husband can't even be home until late and so I do the evening routines on my own. It is on those days that I especially try to remember that Jeff had a difficult and busy day, just like me.

I also believe, and this is just my own personal belief, that my husband should not be expected to do my work, meaning the housework. I am lucky enough to get to be home with my children and the house all day, so I should be able to take care of it. Again, this does not mean that my husband never helps out because he does lots for me around the house. But, I do try my very best to finish my chores before he comes home...therefore, I don't have a honey-do list for him when he gets here. This is all theory though, because like I said, Jeff helps me out a lot and I really really appreciate it.

I have seen and am currently witnessing (in a very indirect way) the negative effects that a nagging, controlling, and critical wife can have on a husband. I think that even the saintliest of men would crack after a few years. I was amazed at the bluntless of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's comments in his General Conference address one year ago: "A woman's words can be more piercing than any dagger ever forged, and they can drive the people they love to retreat beyond a barrier more distant than anyone in the beginning of that exchange could ever have imagined."


Just a few thoughts this week...