Reminiscing

Forgive me while I reminisce a little about the past. My mind has been drawn to an event that happened just over four years ago, April 10, 2003. Actually, it all began in September 2002 when I discovered I was pregnant with our first child. Although Jeff & I had been praying for a baby, I was immediately scared. What in the world had I done? I wasn't sure that I was quite ready to accept the challenge of parenthood, but we were at the point of no return...I was going to be a mom. I had a relatively easy pregnancy, despite a few bladder and kidney infections that just wouldn't leave me alone (something I have learned to accept as a normal part of my pregnancies) and the due date, April 4, loomed closer. I had my bags for the hospital packed a good 4 weeks before then, just in case. I went grocery shopping and cleaned the house for the last time about 3 times; we just kept on eating and messing the place up. I read everything I could get my hands on about labor & delivery and how to tell if you are really in labor. April 4, a Friday, came and went and I was scheduled for an induction on Wednesday, April 9. I did not sleep the night of the 8th and woke up at 5:30 am to get ready for the call from the hospital. A phone call interrupted my shower and on the other end of the line a voice said, "Are you ready to have a baby?" My voice replied in the affirmative, although my mind was thinking, "I don't think I can do this."

We checked in at 7:30 and got hooked up to the pitocin drip a couple of hours later (I think someone forgot about us). Jeff & I watched TV, chatted with some visitors, slept, and even worked on a test for Jeff's math class for HOURS while nothing much seemed to be happening. At approximately 8:30 at night, Dr. Layton stopped by to break my bag of waters. Immediately, the tiny contractions I had been having began to hurt. I was told that if I thought I wanted an epidural, I should probably get it now, as the anesthesiologist was right down the hall and who knew if I would be able to get one after he left for the night. I opted for the drugs. I knew that I would probably be laboring all night (I was only dilated to a 3 at this point) and I thought that it would be in our best interest if I could rest.

Rest alluded me that night. From 7-11 pm I had a silly nurse who kept saying that the monitor was reading my contractions upside down (not quite sure how that happens) and she kept trying to fix it. She was very friendly and fun though and we were amused. At 11, a new nurse came in, fixed whatever the problem was (I still don't think there really was a problem) and we began the long night together. Soon though, it became apparent that the baby was not handling the stress of the contractions too well. The doctor was in and out checking monitors until he came in once and stopped the pitocin and replaced it with a drug to stop contractions. The baby's heart rate had dropped dramatically and it wasn't looking good. I signed all the papers for a C-section and watched in amazement as the doctor and nurse argued about whether or not we should proceed in that direction. The nurse was ready to pull me into the operating room, while Dr. Layton thought we could still have the baby naturally. I was scared to death of a C-section and trusted the doc's opinion. Within a few minutes, the heart rate stabilized and I was placed on pitocin again. A short time later, the doctor came rushing in again to find that I had jumped from a dilation of 4 cm to 8 cm. 20 minutes later, at 3:00 am, I was ready to push. The nurse told me that we would probably have a baby at 4:30 and inside of me, I knew she was wrong. I was going to work so hard and have that baby a lot sooner than that. It turns out she was right. After an hour and a half of the most exhausting work I have ever done, Madlyn Hope entered this world at 4:34 am, weighing 8 lbs. 8 oz., and screaming her head off.

As I looked at the wriggling, crying baby that was placed on my chest, I was overwhelmed. I wasn't quite sure what to think. This baby was crying and I was the one everyone expected to comfort her. I was terrified, yet so excited and grateful at the same time. I had prayed for this beautiful baby and here she was, lying in my arms.

What an adventure the last 4 years have been with my beautiful baby girl. My now 4-year-old daughter sits on my lap as I type this and when I'm done, we will spend the day coloring and painting, playing pretend, reading books, and laughing together. As I looked at my baby girl that early morning in the hospital, nobody could have prepared me for the difficult challenges that lay ahead for us. I wouldn't have dreamed that we would struggle with major sleep issues for at least a year, and that it would still be a challenge today. Nobody could have told me how strong-willed she would be and that I would have to constantly remind myself that "I am the mom. I have to make the rules." But I also could have never been prepared for the huge amounts of joy she has brought to our lives. Madlyn is a tender-hearted, loving child, full of energy and zest for life. Anyone that has heard her laugh knows that it is the most contagious laugh in the world. She sings, dances, tells us stories, and entertains us all day long...and if we let her, into the night. Madlyn takes care of her little brothers and is always concerned about their happiness; if she gets something, she makes sure that Cole has the same privilege. She is our little sweetheart.

Long gone is the screaming baby who just didn't like being trapped in that tiny body; in her place is a bright and beautiful little girl, one who looks so cute riding her bike with her helmet, kneepads, and elbow pads on. One who doesn't like me to pick her clothes or do her hair, but always manages to look cute. A little girl who loves to learn about Jesus and wants to do what is right. It truly is my greatest pleasure to be by her side as she grows up. I love being her mom.